Find Yourself.. FIRST!!!

Ladies.. You have to know who you are and what you want before getting into any relationship.

Find yourself before you find love or love finds you. It is not okay to go into a relationship with the hope that the other half will make you feel complete.

If your wholeness or completeness has to be defined by being with someone then you will keep jumping from Paul to Anthony. The earlier you realise that your happiness doesn't have to be defined by being with someone, the better for you. When you enter into a relationship without finding yourself, you become like a parasite to the other person cause your live will revolve round them and it gets so toxic.

Define yourself.. Who are you?

Apart from being someone's girlfriend/fiancée/wife...Who are you as an individual? What defines you as a person? 

It is okay to be a big Part of someone's identity, but if you strip that away, what is left? 

If nothing is left after stripping off someone's name from yours then you haven't defined whom you are.

Define yourself..

Don't go into a relationship to feel validated or prove a point..Don't let your life goal become someone who can take care of you and give you a mushy life. 

Be your own person, and let your significant other be his or her own person as well. Your relationship will be much healthier and stronger.

Don’t start a new relationship if you aren’t able to define yourself without someone else.

What you Permit is what you Get

What you permit in your relationship is what you get in the long run.

1. I was in a restaurant and I noticed a 'couple' seated at an obscure end. A glance at them would never raise your suspicion on what was going on between them, a second and third look if sensitive enough would shock you at the realization on what was transporting between them. The guys hand was working its way into the skirts of the lady and I could tell he was stroking her cause the look on her face was indescribable. To confirm my suspicions, when they rose to go, I saw a patch of seminal fluid on the guy pant.

2. A deaconess once told us a story about her visit to her fiancé family. On arrival, she decided to help his aged mom with her laundry and in the process, fiancé sister walked up to her and dumped her clothes for laundry too. Deaconess called her back and ordered her to take every of her clothes. Caused a strain in the relationship between SIL and the deaconess but she stood her ground and insisted she wouldn't take trash. Deaconess eventually got married to her man. SIL knows her boundaries and respects them well.

...

The two scenarios above paints two different pictures.

I have nothing  against public display of affection but when it involves groping and grabbing and other forms of extremes, it speaks a lot about how the couples in question views respect.i have seen with men who publicly squeeze the breast and butts of their partners in public and all they do is laugh or grin sheepishly. If he doesn't respect your body in public, then he won't do so in private. A man who tells you he loves you but constantly disrespect your person is not in Love with you. Love and respect are Siamese twin and go head in head. Both are inseparable. Boundaries should be respected. What you allow in your 'lovey-dovey' days will transform into its reviewed version later on in the future.

Does he always scold you in the presence of his family and all you do is shrink and hide? 

Does he threatens to beat you up whenever you falter?

What are his views on women who strive to attain the peak of their career?

You cannot constantly overlook some important signs in the name of love. Love seeks to know, to understand better and make choices that would make her blossom.

On point two... I know some ladies will actually wash SIL clothes to paints the picture of a "wife material" and when she eventually gets into the family and SIL constantly disrespect her and treats her like trash, she would tell whoever cares to listen that SIL is Jezebel reincarnated. What you permit is exactly what you would get. Saying NO and standing your grounds sometimes would only earn you disdain but in the long run, your dignity and respect will be preserved.

You do not have to say YES to every request, every prodding. You do not have to agree to everything because you want to appear 'decent' in the eyes of people. It's very okay to have a different view, it is very good to disagree with opinions that do not sit well with you. Being in a relationship shouldn't turn into an automated machine that obeys the prompt of its handler.

Life in a Mug

LIFE IN A MUG

Sometimes last month as about 11pm, after rounding up my days work, I decided to make myself a hot cup of lemon tea before crashing. I boiled some water, poured into the mug and headed to my room to prepare the lemon tea. I had barely opened the door when the whole content of the mug emptied on my hands. I wanted to scream in pains, but I shocked myself by gently placed the mug on the floor and dashing to the kitchen to run my hands over the faucet.

I learnt a lot from this experience.

1. Life do not happen

Bloggers Diary

#PastorsSeries

i started this series on facebook some months back about my encounter with a pastor and the response i got was very overwhelming. People shared their stories with me and i was shocked at the level of rotin the house of God'.

We live in a society that is very judgemental. It is not easy being a woman either too as people are ready to throw the victim jibe at you. The victim always get victimised and as such we are all sworn to a code of silence. So we keep quiet and the abuser gets emboldened to do more which gets the cycle repeated.

Stories shared on the Bloggers Diary are real life occurences

Episode 1


Oh baby!!! You get mind oooooooo.. See the kind skirt u dey wear go church.. My neighbor hailed me
Oge u don start abi.. Shey this skirt short for your eyes..
Chai!!! See yellow laps oooo. Any skirt wey pass your knee na short skirt and you come fair join
Ehn!! Leave am like that..
Sha pray for me oooo
I don hear you... You no go church today as u don do all night
yesterday.yeye geh
Laughter...

One hour later:
If you have given your life to Christ before and have backslid.. This is the time to rededicate your life to Christ, the pastor called out again.. The choir serenaded the song "I surrender all" coupled with the blend of different chords from the instrumentalist. The atmosphere was double charged with the anointing.. I looked towards the alter and some people had already heeded the alter call.. The pastor announced again that he was doing the alter call for the last time .. I was stirred in the spirit and I knew this moment shouldn't pass me by..I thought about how bad I have backslidden since I gave my life to Christ and decided den that I would heed the call.
First step, then the second and I marched my way to the alter. I was the last person. After the prayers and short counselling, we were admonished, given a card to fill before setting us free to join the rest of the congregation.

Five Hours Later...
Walking down to my friends place to proofread my assignment and print for submission Monday morning..still donned in my Sunday attire
Honk! Honk!! Hey young lady.. He called
I turned around to a man sitting in a car and signalling for my attention..
"Good evening sir"
"How you feeling now? You must be lighter and free"
Confused face
"I see you havent changed your attire"
"Don't you recall my face, I was the pastor who prayed for you today at the alter call"
"Oh!... Okay, I feel good now"
"Do you stay around here"
"Yea, two streets away"
"That's wonderful, can I have your number"
"Sure Pastor"

24 hours later..
"Taranran taranran ta... My Nokia phone rang
Checks Caller.
Pastor Paul
Picks call
"Good afternoon sir"
" Hello Vivien, how you doing"
"I'm fine sir"
"How was lectures today"
"Great Sir"
"Are you back from school"
"Yes sir"
"Can you come to the church office, I have something for you"
"Okay pastor"
Thirty Minutes later..
"Ah, Vivien.. You are here.. Have your sit...
..Small small talks...
...Brings out a book...
"Have this book Vivien..
"Thank you Sir.. Looks at title..(Secrets to Overcoming Sexual temptation).. Why is he giving me this I thought
"Let me address the book as a gift to you... He then scribbled.. From Pastor Paul to Vivien Obidike with Love..
Dated: ........
Make sure you read it
"I will sir"

Small talks...here and there.. Took my leave 5 minute later.

Episode 2... coming shortly

You don't need Validation From Anyone to be happy.

This is one of the headlines today - 22 years old slams critics as she is about to wed 58 year old

I don't think it is necessary that we begin to explain our choices to anyone. The incredible urge to explain to people around you why you had to make certain choices that makes you happy is really ridiculous.

You don't need any validation from anyone to live your life the best way that you can.

I read of recent the explanation Stephanie gave on why she waited three years to get pregnant and I thought to myself that it was really not necessary. You don't owe anyone anything. People will definitely talk because it is the nature of man to do so. After all the rants, your life is still YOURS alone to live, YOURS alone to account for, YOURS alone to make the most out it.

Quit this irristible urge to always explain to people who do not really care about you, people who only throw stones from afar because they lives are too empty and they seek for every means to justify their miserable lives.

Stowaway Teenager in Lorry's Wheel

This tragic scene shows a desperate young illegal immigrant who nearly died after curling up inside a lorry's spare WHEEL. The determined teenage stowaway hid inside half of a spare wheel in the false bottom of the vehicle. 

Spanish police said the young man could have suffocated because of the lack of air in the cramped space, petrol fumes and the scorching heatwave where temperatures have hit 40 degrees. 

He was found by customs officers at Aduana de Beni-Enzar in Melilla where thousands of immigrants are trying to get across the border.

One boy was recently discovered hidden in a suitcase whilst others have unbelievably climbed into car engines or hidden under lorry axles. The stowaway pictured above was however not alone. Officers found two other immigrants in the same vehicle, both hidden in cramped spaces in a hidden compartment under the floor of the lorry.

They are all of sub-Saharan nationality aged between 18 and 25. All three had to be given first-aid at the scene as officers feared they could die. 

Police said

More Than Your Body

"The best gift a woman would give a man is her virginity. If you do this, he would love you forever and chances of breaking up or cheating on you will be slim"

When I was in my teenage years, I heard a lot on the quote above but I never believed it then and will not believe it now. I was a free spirit, I always asked "what if" and was reminded of how it is, should be and why it should be left that way.

Still here today..still questioning and dismissing lots of things held by a large percentage of persons

I believe Sex isn't a Gift..
Your hymen isn't a gift to any man
Sex is an Art..An Art of Pleasure

Why should

Bloggers Diary - An Unforgettable Night

After much persuasion, I had to attend the vigil to please my mom..Who knows, the reason why I haven't made millions or married a billionaire might be revealed that night. I wouldn't want to miss it for anything.
I wore the longest skirt I owned, donned a shirt and was off to the life-changing vigil of the year..or so i thought.

The service started with praise, not the usual kind of songs praising God but those that seem more like warfare. I asked my neighbour if the pastor was around and was replied in the Negative.. I sighed. I thought there were different kind of praise songs depending on the segment being ushered into. I looked around and realised that my below the knee skirt was a micro mini compared to the larger than life curtains