The
fiery eyed man came home in frenzy of fury searching frantically for his
punching bag. The target, his frightened wife held her breath as she
hid under the bed praying that their four year old son whose lips know
no lie will not give her away. But that was not to be, for in matters
of seconds the unwavering honesty of their clueless son fished her out
from under the bed. As he dragged her by
the hair, the piece of cloth she tied fell off leaving her naked, but
her oppressor was unmoved and insistent, he began to pound her like
local akuebilisi drum. Having endured these routines of horror for years
the woman has grown used to it, she lay still like a real sand bag
bereft of will to fight back. When he was done he stormed out relieved.
Down to Original Mama’s joint he landed, his mouth filled with tales and
his enticer’s ears eager as hell to hear. He poured it out like the
surge of a mighty flood; branding himself a hero for wrecking his own
ship. Original Mama has been in easy virtue business for ages, like a
professional spin-master she doused his ego, saturating him with
accolades so elusive. He felt relaxed and warmed up to her exhausted
bossom. The old hag welcomed him warmly to her rusty murky well of
expired waters. Alas! He gasped what else do I live for? So quietly he
emptied his whole pocket to her, like a faithful steward he rendered an
immaculate account, offering to do even better the next day. Once more
the old hag
renewed her dying blood and hormones with that of the blind fool, serving him a dish which no sane man dares to eat. So he went home happy though foolish, yet blind of one glaring truth; the same force he had abused at home, has in turned abused him even more on the outside.
The case of the fire-blazing pastor was even worse. He had chosen to go chauvinistic, lambasting his female worshippers at any slightest opportunity. Their sin was simple; they conspired to deny him the acquisition of that Toyota Venza he loved more than salvation. He couldn’t believe these women especially their leader. When did they grow such an uncouth effrontery to challenge his decisions? That they contribute foodstuff every month for his upkeep, is that enough? Let them go to the other church nearby and see the wonders the women there are doing. All he asked for was just a mere change of car to help him in the ministry. But the women denied having any money, even the women leader had to swear in God’s name to make their refusal concrete. He was however reliably informed by his wife that the women had over five million lying around in the bank. As far as he was concerned they are the devil personified. These days in his sermon all he talks about was Eve, how she got tricked by the serpent and decided to share the consequences with Adam without any remorse. The women are the earth’s curses, let them cut their men some slacks, he lampooned. The whole thing was getting on the nerves of the women, but what can they do? Perhaps it was Jesus giving it to them as they deserved. But then it got to a point where the women realized that it was not Jesus talking, having exhausted every possible means of dialogue with the pastor to no avail, they all boycotted the church and its activities. They stopped the multi-purpose hall building project, they stopped donating food items and also they ceased to sweep the church every Friday as well as the Holy Ghost night vigil. The barren ones among them sought their answers elsewhere and those which acute penchant for seeing vision sought new affiliations. At first the pastor braved the development and acted unconcerned, but soon came the rude awakening that men are hardly people of spirituality. The Sunday thing for a lot of them was a matter of routine and those who committed more time than necessary was just because of problems. Women he realized are his greatest assets, his greatest allies. Even some men who do come were dragged to church by their wives, but now the women are gone he could hardly boast of thirty church members. Worst still the pastor’s problem list has changed. Hunger is now his greatest problem, who is talking about car again, even the one he drives he could no longer fuel. His wife moved into the guest room and threatens to leave in matter of hours. So without further delay the man went down low, lying flat for the women to match upon him led by his own wife and in matters of seconds his church got revived! Life came back and his diet improved, he quickly shelved his automobile dreams and began to find motorcycle so attractive. The message was clear; women actually own and rule the world. It matters not if she is sleeping like the wife of the previous of example or wide-awake like the women of this pastor’s church. The gist is that at the tip of a woman fingers lies this world.
Behind my friend’s bus as you can see in my profile picture is the inscription “after God, fear woman” that philosophy has been my saving grace and my life jacket. The idea of women as the weaker sex to my own understanding was just contextual and when applied to real life is highly flawed. To me women are not weak at all; they are the world’s deadliest terrorists. The man’s world thing is just an aberration. So we get away with flings, quickies and one night stands, so what? I think that belongs to the developing society, where a man is feared and worshipped or to some religious beliefs that permits polygamy. In Europe and Americas men are wary of their wives, mistress, girlfriends and even daughters. Unlike this side of the planet, a certain look at a woman up there may even earn you a jail term. Divorce up there is a Siamese twin of alimony unlike here where a woman may be pushed out of her home in the middle of the night in the name of divorce.
The chains of womanhood over manhood runs all over? Every man has an altar in form a woman where he worships. It could be mother, wife, mistress, concubine, girlfriend, sister or daughter the nomenclature is immaterial, the glaring thing is that it’s women all the way. we all obey; if not this one the other. The man who bullies his wife when he is done still ends up in the laps of another woman. No matter how you think it, these people are at the centre of this human society, and secretly direct the affairs of men wit or without their consent. those who refuse in words agrees in action. Being a priest or married does not save you. the influence must not necessarily be for bad, for for certain they are always there unmoving. Wars have been started by women, where they only relax sit and watch men kill themselves. The survivor they take home as their trophy.
Do not consider me a hater or chauvinist when I categorize women as the world deadliest terrorists. It is just that I find no other gender of humanity who knows the definition of extremity like the female. A man’s farthest mile is just the beginning for a woman. the deadliest of ancient dieties are goddesses. The rest of the world’s terrorists operates in regions, bases or some geographical representation, I know Taliban has Afghanistan, Al Qaeda with their global reach is still more of the middle east, Hezbollah owns Lebanon and Al Shabab operates in countries like Kenya. Did I forget to mention our noble comrades of Nigeria, the Congregation of the People of Tradition for proselytism and Jihad, Jama’at Ahl as-Sunnah lid-da’wa wal-Jihad better known as Boko Haram? Even they too are known to be of the Northeast. I took time to give these few examples to prove a simple logic. Since I know where all these mentioned terrorists base, the best security I will give myself is to desist from their territory. However the kind of terrorist I am referring to here has no base of territory from where they operate. They are everywhere, home, office, church, market, school, hotel, bush, river, heaven and hell. Some are fiery; bringing down the house while some are subtle, gentle and sneaky; they creep into you often unconsciously rendering you empty and frustrated. They are the good or bad wives, the considerate or overbearing mother, the satisfying or blackmailing mistresses, the helpful or witch-hunting sisters, the lovely or trouser-pulling daughters. They are fire saving us and hurting us.
The sum total of manhood is ego. A man is his image that is why he craves respect more than corpses crave coffins and graves. But the woman is the architect of that ego and determines its survival or sustenance. No man is completely safe. Just a few minutes ago as I was buying akara in front of my house a little boy of about thirteen unknowingly demonstrated how hooked and zonked we are to these people. Clad only in a little satin boxers short and singlet he stood waiting for his turn, not so long a lady in her early 20s appeared too wearing only nightie that left nothing hidden from sight. In that instant the little boy was glued and drawn. His little breathing Iroko betrayed him and yet he didn't care. Although we elders saw and looked away it didn't mean the same effect wasn't taking place in us, its just that the little boy couldn’t help his. He didn’t pretend he turned full 360 and mouth wide open he gazed and salivated. Do you blame him? He is no different than the rest us in given circumstances.
A young man looks at his muscles and swears pointing skywards that no daughter of Eve can ever humble him. The grey haired old man by the other side laughs, oh that the young understands he muses that womanhood is not to be challenged but survived. The young man keeps to his words breaking hearts and shunning responsibilities. Soon heaven as usual conspires with some girl from mars; she appears less endowed and adorned than the ones he had spurned. She positions herself as perfect bait and the adrenaline driven young man is hooked. Depending on the style she came with, the Casanova is tied, either against his will or with his full consent loyal and respectful. Next he engages her even before making enquiries and before you heave down…… she is a brand new wife! From then on the former tough call becomes vegetable, joins the clan of advisers warning the upcoming hard learners of impending danger ahead.
No matter how you think it, the aggregate of a man’s effort is wasted on women, legitimately or illegitimately. The foolishness is shared. Some christens theirs charity, but the summation is all the same we have all been naturally held to survive at their mercy. One day the nineteen year old daughter of my Uncle was seen far away from home with a stranger holding hands and buying ice cream. When the report reached home I braced up that night for royal rumble, knowing who my uncle is, but the man totally floored me. With his Bible at hand he looked up at his daughter, sighed and this was all he said “you won’t make lose my salvation”. I didn’t understand it that day but years later I came to understand what transpired that night, my uncle was only gunning for his survival.
Meanwhile the wife of furious man awake. She had gone to that church where women ran down their greedy pastor. After acquainting with some helpful folks, she came home wide awake and poised for freedom. That evening she got home, picked few of her belongings and left with no forwarding address. The kids were hungry and some had mistaken their sofa for a toilet cistern. The angry man arrived home again to further his routine of battery, but met another version of battle ground. This time he became the victim after hearing that his eternal punch bag has finally metamorphosed into an actual human. At first he thought he could brave it, but cook, sweep, scrub, dress kids for school, feed those to be fed, listen to eternity of meaningless complaints, wash clothes…. The list goes on endless. The next morning he went straight to his wife’s home lay face flat in atonement. Her light head was easily maneuvered, but the man has learnt a great lesson never to mess with the real owners of happiness.
BY Ifeanyi Danga Ebuka
renewed her dying blood and hormones with that of the blind fool, serving him a dish which no sane man dares to eat. So he went home happy though foolish, yet blind of one glaring truth; the same force he had abused at home, has in turned abused him even more on the outside.
The case of the fire-blazing pastor was even worse. He had chosen to go chauvinistic, lambasting his female worshippers at any slightest opportunity. Their sin was simple; they conspired to deny him the acquisition of that Toyota Venza he loved more than salvation. He couldn’t believe these women especially their leader. When did they grow such an uncouth effrontery to challenge his decisions? That they contribute foodstuff every month for his upkeep, is that enough? Let them go to the other church nearby and see the wonders the women there are doing. All he asked for was just a mere change of car to help him in the ministry. But the women denied having any money, even the women leader had to swear in God’s name to make their refusal concrete. He was however reliably informed by his wife that the women had over five million lying around in the bank. As far as he was concerned they are the devil personified. These days in his sermon all he talks about was Eve, how she got tricked by the serpent and decided to share the consequences with Adam without any remorse. The women are the earth’s curses, let them cut their men some slacks, he lampooned. The whole thing was getting on the nerves of the women, but what can they do? Perhaps it was Jesus giving it to them as they deserved. But then it got to a point where the women realized that it was not Jesus talking, having exhausted every possible means of dialogue with the pastor to no avail, they all boycotted the church and its activities. They stopped the multi-purpose hall building project, they stopped donating food items and also they ceased to sweep the church every Friday as well as the Holy Ghost night vigil. The barren ones among them sought their answers elsewhere and those which acute penchant for seeing vision sought new affiliations. At first the pastor braved the development and acted unconcerned, but soon came the rude awakening that men are hardly people of spirituality. The Sunday thing for a lot of them was a matter of routine and those who committed more time than necessary was just because of problems. Women he realized are his greatest assets, his greatest allies. Even some men who do come were dragged to church by their wives, but now the women are gone he could hardly boast of thirty church members. Worst still the pastor’s problem list has changed. Hunger is now his greatest problem, who is talking about car again, even the one he drives he could no longer fuel. His wife moved into the guest room and threatens to leave in matter of hours. So without further delay the man went down low, lying flat for the women to match upon him led by his own wife and in matters of seconds his church got revived! Life came back and his diet improved, he quickly shelved his automobile dreams and began to find motorcycle so attractive. The message was clear; women actually own and rule the world. It matters not if she is sleeping like the wife of the previous of example or wide-awake like the women of this pastor’s church. The gist is that at the tip of a woman fingers lies this world.
Behind my friend’s bus as you can see in my profile picture is the inscription “after God, fear woman” that philosophy has been my saving grace and my life jacket. The idea of women as the weaker sex to my own understanding was just contextual and when applied to real life is highly flawed. To me women are not weak at all; they are the world’s deadliest terrorists. The man’s world thing is just an aberration. So we get away with flings, quickies and one night stands, so what? I think that belongs to the developing society, where a man is feared and worshipped or to some religious beliefs that permits polygamy. In Europe and Americas men are wary of their wives, mistress, girlfriends and even daughters. Unlike this side of the planet, a certain look at a woman up there may even earn you a jail term. Divorce up there is a Siamese twin of alimony unlike here where a woman may be pushed out of her home in the middle of the night in the name of divorce.
The chains of womanhood over manhood runs all over? Every man has an altar in form a woman where he worships. It could be mother, wife, mistress, concubine, girlfriend, sister or daughter the nomenclature is immaterial, the glaring thing is that it’s women all the way. we all obey; if not this one the other. The man who bullies his wife when he is done still ends up in the laps of another woman. No matter how you think it, these people are at the centre of this human society, and secretly direct the affairs of men wit or without their consent. those who refuse in words agrees in action. Being a priest or married does not save you. the influence must not necessarily be for bad, for for certain they are always there unmoving. Wars have been started by women, where they only relax sit and watch men kill themselves. The survivor they take home as their trophy.
Do not consider me a hater or chauvinist when I categorize women as the world deadliest terrorists. It is just that I find no other gender of humanity who knows the definition of extremity like the female. A man’s farthest mile is just the beginning for a woman. the deadliest of ancient dieties are goddesses. The rest of the world’s terrorists operates in regions, bases or some geographical representation, I know Taliban has Afghanistan, Al Qaeda with their global reach is still more of the middle east, Hezbollah owns Lebanon and Al Shabab operates in countries like Kenya. Did I forget to mention our noble comrades of Nigeria, the Congregation of the People of Tradition for proselytism and Jihad, Jama’at Ahl as-Sunnah lid-da’wa wal-Jihad better known as Boko Haram? Even they too are known to be of the Northeast. I took time to give these few examples to prove a simple logic. Since I know where all these mentioned terrorists base, the best security I will give myself is to desist from their territory. However the kind of terrorist I am referring to here has no base of territory from where they operate. They are everywhere, home, office, church, market, school, hotel, bush, river, heaven and hell. Some are fiery; bringing down the house while some are subtle, gentle and sneaky; they creep into you often unconsciously rendering you empty and frustrated. They are the good or bad wives, the considerate or overbearing mother, the satisfying or blackmailing mistresses, the helpful or witch-hunting sisters, the lovely or trouser-pulling daughters. They are fire saving us and hurting us.
The sum total of manhood is ego. A man is his image that is why he craves respect more than corpses crave coffins and graves. But the woman is the architect of that ego and determines its survival or sustenance. No man is completely safe. Just a few minutes ago as I was buying akara in front of my house a little boy of about thirteen unknowingly demonstrated how hooked and zonked we are to these people. Clad only in a little satin boxers short and singlet he stood waiting for his turn, not so long a lady in her early 20s appeared too wearing only nightie that left nothing hidden from sight. In that instant the little boy was glued and drawn. His little breathing Iroko betrayed him and yet he didn't care. Although we elders saw and looked away it didn't mean the same effect wasn't taking place in us, its just that the little boy couldn’t help his. He didn’t pretend he turned full 360 and mouth wide open he gazed and salivated. Do you blame him? He is no different than the rest us in given circumstances.
A young man looks at his muscles and swears pointing skywards that no daughter of Eve can ever humble him. The grey haired old man by the other side laughs, oh that the young understands he muses that womanhood is not to be challenged but survived. The young man keeps to his words breaking hearts and shunning responsibilities. Soon heaven as usual conspires with some girl from mars; she appears less endowed and adorned than the ones he had spurned. She positions herself as perfect bait and the adrenaline driven young man is hooked. Depending on the style she came with, the Casanova is tied, either against his will or with his full consent loyal and respectful. Next he engages her even before making enquiries and before you heave down…… she is a brand new wife! From then on the former tough call becomes vegetable, joins the clan of advisers warning the upcoming hard learners of impending danger ahead.
No matter how you think it, the aggregate of a man’s effort is wasted on women, legitimately or illegitimately. The foolishness is shared. Some christens theirs charity, but the summation is all the same we have all been naturally held to survive at their mercy. One day the nineteen year old daughter of my Uncle was seen far away from home with a stranger holding hands and buying ice cream. When the report reached home I braced up that night for royal rumble, knowing who my uncle is, but the man totally floored me. With his Bible at hand he looked up at his daughter, sighed and this was all he said “you won’t make lose my salvation”. I didn’t understand it that day but years later I came to understand what transpired that night, my uncle was only gunning for his survival.
Meanwhile the wife of furious man awake. She had gone to that church where women ran down their greedy pastor. After acquainting with some helpful folks, she came home wide awake and poised for freedom. That evening she got home, picked few of her belongings and left with no forwarding address. The kids were hungry and some had mistaken their sofa for a toilet cistern. The angry man arrived home again to further his routine of battery, but met another version of battle ground. This time he became the victim after hearing that his eternal punch bag has finally metamorphosed into an actual human. At first he thought he could brave it, but cook, sweep, scrub, dress kids for school, feed those to be fed, listen to eternity of meaningless complaints, wash clothes…. The list goes on endless. The next morning he went straight to his wife’s home lay face flat in atonement. Her light head was easily maneuvered, but the man has learnt a great lesson never to mess with the real owners of happiness.
BY Ifeanyi Danga Ebuka
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